3 questions to make sure you're not the 'bad guy'

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Ahoy,

I feel like, no matter how many people say differently, everybody wants to be liked at least a little bit!

Nobody really wants to be the “bad guy”.

At least not forever…

Well at least, this is the cocooned world I like to live in (God forbid I want to see some positivity in the world right?!)

Okay, here’s the truth, there are some people that will throw around phrases like “I’m just telling the truth, if they can’t take it then that’s just on them!”

And on the flip side of that there are people that will say “You’re doing everything perfectly, you don’t need to change anything!”

Quite frankly, you don’t want either of them being your boss, and you certainly don’t want to become either of that kind of boss.

Let’s jump in.

We’re bringing it back to a bit of the “Nice Vs Kind” debate.

I’ll give you a very quick update on what I’m referring to here.

All too often we find managers and leaders not wanting to hurt the feelings of their team…

(Reece how is this a problem… I thought that’s what we’re aiming for…)

Absolutely!

You shouldn’t be trying to hurt the feelings of your team. We want strong teams that like each other, because simply put, they’re the ones that work best together.

So what’s the problem?

The problem arises when managers put not hurting their teams feelings, over actually being a leader!

That means, avoiding delivering often much needed feedback.

Not wanting to say something that could upset the team member…

They want to focus on being nice. But is that necessarily the kind thing to do?

Not at all!

Being a leader is about helping your team however you can.

One way to do that is to ensure you don’t hurt them unnecessarily. Another way is to support them and help them develop to be the best they can be.

That means giving them feedback that will help them develop.

Giving them that feedback that they probably didn’t want to hear, so that they could grow may not be the nice thing to do, but it is the kind thing.

And ultimately, you want people around you that can recognise that.

Now this doesn’t mean you should go too far over to the other side and become that person I first quoted!

“I’m just being honest, it’s not my fault they can’t take it…”

Yeah, nobody likes that person, and nobody wants to work for them!

Being kind by giving proper feedback does not mean you have to be a bad person.

You can still give good, constructive feedback without hurting the people you’re addressing.

If you think that’s not possible, then you should certainly stay subscribed to this newsletter, I’ve got a lot to teach you!

Like with all things leadership, there’s a dichotomy. You don’t want to lean too far in either direction.

So here’s you actionable takeaway for this week:

Next time someone does something and you need to provide some constructive feedback, take 30 seconds to think about how you’re going to say it and ask yourself:

1. Was my initial reaction to be overly nice but not kind?

2. Am I actually helping them develop with this feedback?

3. How can I say this in a way that isn’t overly harsh but still gets the point across?

Hope you got something out of this week.

As always, have a great day.

Reece